Thursday, April 24, 2014

happiness does not exist

'Happiness' isn't any kind of default state. We can't experience happiness without goals and plans and things to do and the next thing to complete on the horizon. The experience of doing and finishing these things *is* happiness. Losing the motivation to physically do things that bring us satisfaction is what leads to disaffection.. So rarely do I sit back and think "I am happy right now" but my life is undoubtedly so good at the moment. I want to focus on the moments between the busy-ness being more a time to reflect than a time for feeling guilty for not getting stuff done. I forget how much I am doing, though it never feels enough.

Luckily my motivation is endless at the moment - what else pushes anyone through this period of life? I have been thinking a lot about having another baby, finances, all these grown up things that feel so amazing to do, we are working, earning money, we have an increasingly lovely house that is all our own, argg how is this happening? It all feels right, like I was meant to be either a grown up or a child. I was definitely not meant to be a student, or a teenager. How will I do as a mother of more than one? As a middle aged person? Hopefully I will get the chance to find out..

The pottery I love is closing down and I only had the money to buy this jug. If I had more than £4 in my current account I would be down there buying everything I could lay my hands on.

A while ago, my father's wife generously gave me her set of vintage Le Creuset pans and shelf, I painted the shelf last year and it's up on the wall in the kitchen where it looks magnificent. They feel so nice and everything cooks beautifully in them (except scrambled eggs... for which teflon was definitely invented).
Speaking of no money.. does anyone want a rug? I haven't got one on the go and I want to have one to make! I will make you one for £25 and p&p, in whatever colours you desire.

We got a new sideboard from the junk shop! I want to change the door knobs because they are just offensive but otherwise it's perfect.

I just thought this was really lovely - the amazing yarn shop in town sells plants outside that you can use for dyes. I love that about where I live.


  1. I just wanted to thank you for writing this post. The first paragraph is brilliant- it is something I've been trying to work out for myself but could never coherently explain or write out. I feel like I am in a very similar place- thinking of another child, how will we do with more than one, the amount of cash in my bank account lol. It's so nice to know that there are other people in the world who are in a similar place in their lives. Thank you so much for sharing- I am always happy to read your posts.

    1. Thank you for commenting! So nice to hear from someone who reads my ramblings! Your name seems familiar, were you on lj?

  2. Awe, thanks! I love coming here and (as an artist) being inspired by all of the paintings that you post as well <3 As an American, some of these painters are not featured prevalently in our classes or instruction and it's great to get to see so many different ones than what I saw in school. On another note, I do not know what lj is, so I'm pretty sure I wasn't on it. Sorry I didn't comment again sooner, my computer was on the fritz. Have a lovely day! Amanda

  3. This is such a lovely post. I see myself as being content, rather than happy. Happy seems a catch all for lits of feelings, but I feel content,or joyful, or exciting!


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