Monday, January 14, 2013
Mothers on Motherhood
I was happy to write a few words for the 'Mothers on Motherhood' series at oh! you pretty things blog.
Josie from oh! you pretty things writes candidly and eloquently about being a mother. Reading her blog (and indeed the many other motherhood blogs I follow) is very refreshing and I find myself cheered as I re-realise that mothers are all in this together. It's so easy to get caught up in your own experience so catching up on the words of others on the subject centers me and provides context.
Becoming a mother at 26 was a conscious decision for me, fueled by a overwhelming biological urgency that had been nagging in some primitive part of my brain for a while. Despite shaky employment and not owning our own house, having a baby suddenly seemed like something I had to do right away and fortunately my long term boyfriend felt the same.
I became pregnant quickly and instantly found myself embedded in the neurotic world of anticipation that will be familiar to anyone who is expecting or has recently had a baby: stultifying hours of product research, preoccupation with saving money, obsessive parenting forum reading, endless inspection of ones bodily changes and intense contemplation of the week by week formation of unseen and infinite brain cells, tiny fingerprints, perfect functioning organs and innate guidance systems.
Then, after a grueling 52 hour home labour, gas & air, a twisted baby head and blue light hospital transfer for the syntocinon drip, I successfully gave birth to a 6lb 4oz son and was left, dazed and bleeding into stiff hospital sheets on a drizzly September night, alone but for the tiny sleeping stranger in the clear plastic cot by my side - a stranger who inexplicably belonged to me. I remember everything about that night so clearly, the first time I'd ever changed a nappy at 3am, his first clothes, summoning the courage to press the button so a woman would come to help me try to breastfeed. The next day, high on exhaustion and hormones I demanded to leave, that I was fine, no, I didn't need pain relief thanks. After hours of waiting and tests we left the hospital with a tiny scrap in his car seat and new hat, my finger clutched by a miniature starfish hand, not comprehending the tears, love, work and wonder we had to come...
You can read the rest of my post here, thanks for sharing my words Josie!