Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The inevitable slide towards personal blogging, god help me

I didn't start this blog to write about myself, I had this sort of idea that writing about things I enjoy would be enough, but it's turning out stunted. It's a strange thing, what happens when you have been writing about your life online for ten years, it becomes so hard to break from what you already know and your lovingly constructed blog becomes a series of 'I's'. I think I'm just going to go with it...

I've tried to write about things rather than myself before, but no one was interested. I know what I don't want my blog to be. I don't want to be a lifestyle blog, a baby blog, a bore senseless with accounts of my day blog, an angst fest, a blog with artful photos of my sandwiches (there's Instagram for that). I suppose I would like to share knowledge and meet new people in real life.

I want this blog to be a record of the music and books I love, a record of things I want to do and the things I'm inspired to achieve or how I'm achieving them. Writing for me is inherently personal, and I want to get personal enough to be of interest to others, but not personal enough to lose my job.

When I was 18, just before I started university, I felt an overwhelming feeling that I was going to forget this part of my life forever unless I kept a record.

So I began a kind of scrap book, keeping every concert stub, every train ticket, every letter from every friend, every love letter from every boyfriend, every missive from boring pen pals, every passage from a book I liked, every note passed in lessons, every sign left on my uni hall door, every doodle, every sticker, many written transcriptions of important texts, every drawing, all my deranged late night writings cut up later in horror - I cringe to look back at most of it but I'm so glad I have it, it reminds me of who I was and the people I loved. The pretentiousness of being a teenager, the laziness, discovery and poor decisions of university.

I also have a diary I kept when I was 10 and thought I was the middle class, rural Southern English version of Anne Frank. It covers my transition to Secondary School and how the worst thing about my life was having to play in a netball match. It feels so important to have a new start every now and again so here it is.

We are moving house soon (..'inshallah'..) and I want to redirect my life after this move to be more sustainable, to spend less money, to not buy new things and to learn about gardening.

This appeared on my tumblr feed from and although it's very dramatic, I do agree with the sentiment. It's from here originally.
"The less we participate in this abusive economy, the better. 10% unemployment is deplorable. We need 90% unemployment. If we really resent this system, let’s earn less, buy less, and own less. Let’s invest our time, energy, and resources in things that can’t be taxed or parisitized by corporations. Let’s deal not in dollars, but in energy, nutrients, materials, local currencies, and relationships. Let’s not expand, let’s stabilize. Let’s enjoy art, culture, and leisure. Perhaps we can topple the pyramid by shrinking the bottom.
Our work is this: We’ve got to make clean water available wherever rain falls. We’ve got to make food grow so rampantly that you can’t give it away. We need to build affordable and debt free housing. We need to start creating opportunities where we live so we don’t have to drive. We need to wrest control of land and resources away from powerful minorities. We need integrative, sustainable methods for managing land. We need to ranch in a way that makes game more abundant. We need to farm in a way that makes forests grow. We need to use energy in a way that generates peace and stability. We need to strengthen our social bonds.
If you still have a job, get everything in order, and quit. Do it as soon as you can, because we’ve never had a more important work to do."
It's easy to call me a terrible hypocrite and I absolutely would agree that I am. We are attempting to borrow a large amount of money from a huge bank to 'own' a house, it's inconceivable that we could ever not work, our work centers around computers, electricity and the virtual world.... but I am still optimistic that any effort is better than none. Something that I want to get more involved in that hasn't particularly been a part of my life before is community. I want this move to be a new start for me in contributing to a community.

I have done so many things I always wanted to do, I moved to Wales (not a lifelong goal of mine it must be said but represents some kind of break from East Sussex and all that entails), I have been to Mongolia, I've busked, I'm in a band, I have given birth, I have got a job, I have a stable life, a lovely environment and money - I've got to give more back now and be an example for my son.. that's the most important thing.

Here are things I've been looking at in preparation (it's easy to prepare... but not so easy to actually do):

Just for the Love of It: This is a site by the terribly attractive man who lived without money for a year, and wrote/filmed about it in The Guardian

I've been fantasizing about urban gardening and tiny patio green houses. I am 90% definitely going to buy one of these. After we purchase such necessary things as sofas... blinds... washing machines of course.


  1. I LIKE THIS POST. Except, I don't think you're a hypocrite.. It's incredibly difficult to go against the system, it takes a lot of learning and preparation and risk. It's not hypocritical to work towards something in a more controlled manner, especially when you have a family to consider.

    I rememeber seeing about that guy a while ago, but I'd completely forgotten! I've not seen the freeconomy website before though, must join..

    I wish I had kept a good scrapbook.

    1. Freeeconomy is great, I've not done much on there yet apart from set up a profile, and unfortunately reject a request from a guy who needed a violin player to score a quartet composition!

      Glad you don't think I'm a hypocrite - I need to get over what others think and just do whatever I want, hah!

    2. I set up a profile and realised how useless most of my skills are! I really need to stop dabbling in new things and focus on getting good at something, hah. Listing tools was weird, I didn't realise how possessive/protective I am of silly things like my Stanley knife!

      It is tough, I struggle with it frequently. It's horrible to have strong views and not be able to live by them, and everything you do do is never quite enough.
      I always find it strange that so many people who have broken free of the norm in extreme ways still own a computer and shell out for an internet connection.. I just keep that in mind as it seems to appease some of my guilt, and try to focus on the good things I have done and the things I'm working on!


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